dammit .

the only reason why i'm updating is because i'm online . which means i've been wasting time . and am still wasting time .

arghs .

all because i wanted to type notes for tomorrow's physics spa . then i got so fustrated by someone i gave up and came online instead . i mean , the computer's on yahs .

whatever .

i still have tons of stuff to do . maths homework . physics homework . cca stuff . testimonial writing . gp readings . revision .

sometimes i wish i could just quit my cca and come home and study . or go to jwcl . or stay in school . but i can't . for the sake of fulfilling my responsibilities as an exco member . or for my testimonial .

not that i care at this moment .

the new conductor has come and he's driving me mad . new scores to print . new songs to learn . new postures to adpot . i like it but somehow i just feel that i don't have the time for it . i mean . he lets us off at 1900 when he comes . i won't mind if i was a j1 . but i'm not .

sometimes i wish i could just get retained . i know it's too late for this but i'm just not coping . i screwed my last mechanics test up . i don't know what is wrong . with me , i mean . i studied for the test , but the only part i could do was the part on the previous chapters .

i wish i was suffering from depression . at least that would explain what i'm going through right now . sleepiness . well that's what i'm feeling most of the time .

well , not having peace and quiet when i want to doesn't help one bit . sometimes , just when i feel like doing stuff , i get disturbed . and the mood is not there anymore .

i guess what i'm doing right now is just plain complaining . well , that's what a blog is for right ? though it's not good to complain , at least i've got some things off my chest that are hard to tell people about .

i only have maybe 6 hours to complete what i could have done in 2 days . wish me luck .

oh yahs . really thankful for my friends who have not dumped me because i've been real weird . don't ask my why i've been acting weirdly . i just feel weird okays .

and i've been ignoring someone ( actually two people but to hell with the other one ) . i don't know what to do . sometimes i wish things could be normal . sometimes i wish that person would just disappear .

ohs . and i've been looking at someone quite freqently . that someone has sort of become my pillar of support . emotionally . but think some misunderstanding took place and i might never get the chance to look at that someone as frequently as i can anymore .

anyways . please bless me with more time so i can sleep , finish my homework , practise on my erhu , watch tv , come online once every fortnight ( to check my mail ) and do some self-reflection . or enlighten me on how to effectively compartmentalise the little time that i have .

i just realised that i've wasted too much of the little time that i have left . need to save some time for a nap so i can absorb what i'm going to do later .

take care everyone .

ohs . before i forget . please say hi to me when you see me . if you know me lahs . it's really amazing what a smile can do . it can brighten up my day =]